Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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