i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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