We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
