I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
