Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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