I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
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I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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