No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
