I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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