haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
