You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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