i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
