Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had hair everywhere except his balls
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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