So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
