If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
