Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
