hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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