Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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