we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
