Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
