Screwed.edu
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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