just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Barsexuality is the new black.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
