You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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