are you still at the devil's house?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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