I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
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i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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