Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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