i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
