Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
