I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
