For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
