so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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