She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
