How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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