i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
