Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just had sex on a roof
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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