At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
