There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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