Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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