I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
