I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
