"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
