How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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