her vagine was all disorganized.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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