i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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