well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
