I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She's the barista slut.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
