alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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