we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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