Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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