you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
