I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
