you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
