Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
