The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
