if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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