singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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