Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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