it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
