Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she looked like the before picture.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
