How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
