he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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