In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
