If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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