I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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