She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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