Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
