i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
