onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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