Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The best revenge is premature balding
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
