so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
