I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
