i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
