After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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