You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize