I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
