I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
